We live in such a goal-setting society. From an early age, we’re pressured to know exactly what we want and where we’re going next. In my younger days, I felt guilty whenever I wasn’t where I thought I should be, or on a clear path toward what I believed was my ultimate life goal.
I wanted to build my own business offering communication seminars and workshops. I started strong, writing and developing day-long programs that I presented at a hotel. Despite the good feedback and publicity I received, I quickly discovered that running a business took more knowledge and experience than I had.
Bookkeeping became a particular problem. I followed the numbers closely, but eventually had to stop offering the workshops because the business was costing more than it was bringing in. For a short time, I felt like a failure.
But I didn’t give up.
Direction vs. Destination: Why the Difference Matters
I still knew the direction I wanted to go. I just didn’t know the exact destination, or the vehicle that would take me there. That distinction changed everything for me, and it’s one of the most important lessons I’ve learned about finding purpose after a setback.
Positive word of mouth about my programs had spread through the community. Then, seemingly out of the blue, a successful company approached me about becoming one of their trainers.
Not only was I hired to facilitate their programs, but I was given the opportunity to write my own program to fit their needs. Suddenly, without a map telling me exactly where I was going, I was doing what I loved, without the business responsibilities that had made my own venture so difficult.
It wasn’t my original plan.
It turned out to be better than the plan I had made.
When Your Life Plan Falls Apart Again
Everything went smoothly for several years. Then 2008 brought the market downturn, and the corporations that had supplied me with steady work suddenly shifted to in-house training.
Once again, I felt lost.
Where would I go next?
I still knew the direction I wanted to go, but my destination was, once again, not on my map. This is a feeling many people recognize when they’re navigating a life transition they didn’t choose, the ground shifts, and the plan you had no longer applies.
Navigating Life After Loss and Caregiving
At that same time, my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and my life took on a whole new direction, becoming a caregiver.
And yet, even in that unexpected role, I found a way to follow one of my passions. I returned to writing and began a blog. My facilitating work was now sidelined as I shared stories with others going through similar circumstances of caregiver grief. Writing gave me a sense of purpose and a way to help others while I spent several years caring for the man I loved.
Then my husband died.
Once again, I was asking myself where my next destination would be.
But I still knew my direction. I had rekindled my passion for writing, and I found another road that gave me a sense of purpose. I began leading support groups to help others facing what I had experienced with life after loss. And, continuing in that direction, I began writing my book, Beyond the Crossroads, which is now awaiting publication.
And here I am, at this moment in my life, still traveling in the direction of where I want to go, but still not entirely sure what the destination will be.
Maybe that’s not a bad thing.
How to Find Direction When You Don’t Know Your Destination
I think we’ve all asked the question, “Where will the road take me next?” at some point in our lives.
Sometimes it happens because a plan doesn’t work out. Sometimes life makes the decision for us.
A divorce can leave us wondering what our life will look like on our own. Recovering from a serious illness can make us question what we’re capable of and what we want our lives to become. Losing someone we love can leave an enormous space where a relationship and a familiar role once existed. Moving to a new community can make us wonder how, and where, we fit in again.
In those moments, it’s easy to see ourselves as having experienced a setback. We may compare where we are with where we thought we’d be and wonder if we’ve somehow gotten off course.
But perhaps we haven’t gotten off course at all.
Embracing the Side Roads of Personal Growth
Perhaps we’re simply on a side road.
We don’t always know where that road will lead. We may not even have chosen to take it. But that doesn’t mean it can’t lead somewhere meaningful. This is the heart of personal growth after setbacks: trusting the journey even when the destination isn’t clear.
The question isn’t always, “What is my destination?”
Sometimes the better question is: “What direction do I want to go now?”
And maybe, sometimes, knowing the direction is enough.
